Movie #151 Prince of Persia *2010*

The things a parent will do for their children...

I finally broke the chains and canceled my cable.  300 channels and I ever watched was TCM and a little ESPN.  Now I am totally reliant on Netflix for my viewing habits.  This news did not go over so well with my kids though.  They have a lot of concern that they won't be able to watch iCarly.  Even though when they come over to the house every episode that they watch they have seen dozens of times.

So I offered them an olive branch and I let them put a few movies on my queue today.  I also allowed them to pick a movie for us to watch after diner.  They decided on Disney's Prince of Persia (The Sands of Time).  This is a film based off a video game.  I am not much of a gamer, but I could tell which scenes in the movie were directly ripped off from the game.

The first thing I noticed was how horrible the action scenes were.  For an action scene to be effective, we (the viewer) needs to know where we are in relation to the action.  For example:  The French Connection.  One of the most famous (and in my opinion over-rated) car chase scenes in history.  The camera moves from inside the chase car, to looking out the back of the lead car at the chase car.  Then a wide shot to see both cars run an intersection.  Then back inside the chase car except this time we are looking at the determination in Popeye Doyle's face.  The there is a shot outside the car from a camera mounted as close to the pavement as possible.  All this provides a spacial relation between the cars in action, their surroundings, and the spectators including the audience.  A different example would be The Borne Supremacy with its claustrophobic, hand-held, in your face action shots.  That film forces you to be a part of the action.  You feel as if you are ducking punches.  That is because the production team choreographed the fight scenes in a way that the action would be fast paced, but still distinguishable in space and time.  Prince of Persia was content to abuse CGI and place the camera in ridiculous locations and absurd angles.  Then throw in a hack job of editing and I couldn't have cared less about who was fighting.

Another problem with the movie is that I didn't care who was fighting because none of the story made any sense.  Video games aren't generally known for their bravura storytelling.  Maybe that is why 90% of movies based on video games suck.  Prince of Persia tows that line.  A brief explanation of the story is: adopted son to a king unravels a plot of his uncle's to overthrow the king with the use of a mystical dagger.  The son attempts to hide the dager with the aid of a princess from a neighboring town.  Now take that story and stretch it out over two and a quarter hours and fill it with maddening exposition and every cliche in the book.

Throw in a bat shit crazy performance from Alfred Molina and a sword fighting Ben Kingsly (if you think this sounds like it might be interesting, it's not) and a wooden performance from Gemma Arterton and you have the basic ingredients.  The icing on the turd of a cake would be Jake Gyllenhaal.  An actor that I usually like and I can't wait to see him in Source Code.  But here I feel like he is totally phoning it in.  This role could have been played by any actor with decent abs.

The final problem is Disney.  I know they are a wholesome company with all the family values and blah blah blah.  I don't mind that.  Then why is there a hard-on joke in this film?  Why is it that when Gyllenhaal is trying to look at the locket the princess is wearing around her neck we get a 3-4 second cleavage shot?  Why are nameless guards being stabbed to death and maimed?  I don't mind the moral high ground, but stick to it.  You can't have you righteous cake, and eat it in the sewer.

I enjoyed writing my "3 Good Reasons" blogs and I considered continuing, but I couldn't come up with 3 reasons to watch this movie. I give Price of Persia ★★.  Check out the Trailer Park to see for yourself.